thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
