marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
