You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
