I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
