im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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