So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
