Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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