WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
