Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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