guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
