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New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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