Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
