I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
