You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize