Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
