I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
