That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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