You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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