i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
