you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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