you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
