this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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