Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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