never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
