clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
