So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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