Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nicole vs. Life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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