You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
