I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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