a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
