i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
