I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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