All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
