remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
