Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
