Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
