My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
