Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
