PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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