So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
