Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
