If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
