Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
