It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
