Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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