I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
