I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
