Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
