She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
