I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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