i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
