Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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