bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
