Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
