his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I color on your dick again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
