Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
