so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
