I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
