i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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