i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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