So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
