This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
