my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
