please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize