Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize