she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
