did you get engaged???
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
