What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
