In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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