My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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