Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
