I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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