He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
