He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
